Marriage Counseling

I was watching t.v. the other day and stumbled across a news show that was doing a segment on marriage counseling. I listened for a few minutes and found myself agreeing with most of what was being said.



The person being interviewed was talking about the various ways marriage counseling has changed over the years... for the most part those changes are for the better.



In many ways, the changes have made it more "acceptable" to go to counseling. There is no longer a stigma associated (or at least not as much of one as in the past) with getting counseling.



Today's counseling is more of an interactive process that may not take years to complete. In the past, the process was largely just a take... the patient would talk to the therapist and the therapist might interject a comment here or there but for the most part remained silent and just let the patient "vent".



Today, it is more common for the therapist to offer some tools that the couple can use to help improve their life together. Theory will only take you so far, you need specific things to do to make any real changes in a relationship.



One of the places that almost always needs work in a troubled relationship is the communication, or lack thereof, between spouses.



I don't spend much time watching "reality" t.v. since it is (hopefully) far removed from reality. But recently I did catch a little bit of a show and I have to tell you that if what I saw portrayed was even close to the real way the people in that family actually interacted with each other... wow.



It was completely pathetic. No one knew how to accurately express their feelings in a healthy way. There was guilt, blame and recriminations but precious little in the way of responsibility or acceptance.



I think many couples "communicate" in that type of destructive fashion too. That has to be the first place to start if you want real, long lasting improvement in your marriage and all your relationships.



It can be hard to put away your anger and your own guilt, but you must. These things will get in the way of anything constructive you want to accomplish.



Whether you realize it or not, every time you say anything all that anger and frustration and guilt will come pouring out of you.



It might be your choice of words, it may be your tone or your body language but whatever form(s) it takes, your partner will pick up on it and respond in the same way.



It's not hard to see that at that point nothing will be accomplished and the simplest conversation can devolve into a screaming match.



Keep these things in mind when you are trying to improve your marriage. Most couples can greatly benefit from a counselor to help guide them to a better way of interacting. It will take time and practice to make the changes permanent.



And remember too, not all marriage counseling is created equal. Some counselors are better than others. Don't worry about what your friends said about a certain counselor or how many diplomas they have on their wall, if you don't feel comfortable with them keep looking.