How to save your marriage: it’s the topic of dozens if not hundreds of self-help books, yet divorce seems to be as “popular” as ever? It’s not necessarily because the advice in those books is bunk, either. Usually it’s because, no matter how much good advice you get, there are some things about your approach to your marriage that need to change before you can even take advantage of those tips.
Rule out divorce!
If you’ve been talking about divorce, but neither of you really want it, banish all talk of it from your conversations. It’s not an option, so why are you even mentioning it? Some people tend to use the d-word as a threat, even though they never plan to carry through. The problem with that is the more often you bring up the subject, the more likely it is to become a reality.
Remember respect!
Can you remember your first few dates, when you hardly knew each other and were nervous just to be around each other? You said “please” and “thank you” and if any disagreements came up you patiently and politely resolved them? You don’t have to fall in love all over again (at least, not right this minute), but if you want to find out how to save your marriage, at least try to get back to that level of respect with each other.
Accept that your spouse is imperfect!
When you’re newlyweds, it’s easy to ignore those annoying little habits your partner might have like leaving clothes on the floor or forgetting to fill the gas tank. After a few years living together, though, the irritation builds up and you start to wish your spouse would just stop it already. The next time your spouse does something that irritates you, consider whether it’s really all that serious. If not, let it go.
Stop criticizing!
Even if you’ve managed to accomplish the goal above, this one’s easier said than done. Once you’ve fallen into the habit, it takes some effort to stop, but try to avoid verbally attacking your spouse for doing something you don’t like. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let them know when something they do bothers you, but doing so in a non-judgmental way can make life a lot easier.
Learn about the opposite gender!
No, sitting in the park and watching them walk by doesn’t count. I mean taking an open-minded approach to understanding the way the opposite gender typically approaches intimate relationships. You may think because you’ve been around them all your life you know them. But you might be surprised how what you learn can help you discover how to save your marriage. And if do you learn something that surprises you, don’t take some book’s word for it. Ask your spouse if that’s how they feel, too, and you just may hit a major revelation.
Figuring out how to save a marriage doesn’t have to be complicated, but you can’t rely on the free information you find on the Internet. Even self-help books written by professional marriage counselors leave out some of the fundamentals, so as you try to mend your marriage, make sure you start with a good foundation.
You can stop your divorce now!
Showing posts with label save your marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label save your marriage. Show all posts
Stop Your Divorce Now!
How to stop your divorce now? Divorces are at an all time high. Sometimes it seems that it’s easier to get a divorce than to get married. People get hurt in divorce. The parties are forever scarred. Children, if there are any, never get over the hurt. Knowing this, you may be wondering “How to stop your divorce now?”
There are three steps to stop your divorce now.
1/The first thing that you have to realize is that saying you’ve changed does not mean you really have changed.
If you are the person who is at fault in the relationship, it’s not enough to give lip service to the idea of change. If you have been having affairs, for instance, it is going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways. It is not enough to tell your partner that you’re not stepping out anymore. You will have to take concrete actions.
As an example, you may need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis. If your job requires you to travel, you may have to look for a new job that keeps you close to home.
Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship. For instance, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money problems which weaken the marriage, she may have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance.
If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too often, he may have to commit to being home by 6:30 every night no matter what. At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life? If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes. But don’t just give lip service to them. Actions speak louder than words.
2/The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce.
Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage. Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument will not win you any points. When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…” this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.
Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument. You can’t use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind. Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument. If you feel you must win, then you will lose.
3/Finally, don’t think that you can win an argument.
Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they are right and their partner is wrong. This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it’s sure to fail. Instead of arguing, solve the problem. If your spouse brings up a fault in you, discuss possible solutions rather than argue back.
Are you wondering how to stop your divorce now? Start by following the steps I’ve laid out above.
Learn how to save your marriage!
There are three steps to stop your divorce now.
1/The first thing that you have to realize is that saying you’ve changed does not mean you really have changed.
If you are the person who is at fault in the relationship, it’s not enough to give lip service to the idea of change. If you have been having affairs, for instance, it is going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways. It is not enough to tell your partner that you’re not stepping out anymore. You will have to take concrete actions.
As an example, you may need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis. If your job requires you to travel, you may have to look for a new job that keeps you close to home.
Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship. For instance, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money problems which weaken the marriage, she may have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance.
If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too often, he may have to commit to being home by 6:30 every night no matter what. At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life? If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes. But don’t just give lip service to them. Actions speak louder than words.
2/The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce.
Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage. Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument will not win you any points. When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…” this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.
Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument. You can’t use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind. Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument. If you feel you must win, then you will lose.
3/Finally, don’t think that you can win an argument.
Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they are right and their partner is wrong. This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it’s sure to fail. Instead of arguing, solve the problem. If your spouse brings up a fault in you, discuss possible solutions rather than argue back.
Are you wondering how to stop your divorce now? Start by following the steps I’ve laid out above.
Learn how to save your marriage!
Labels:
save your marriage,
stop your divorce now
4 Important Steps To Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage
The thing you need to know is that it is not too late to stop your divorce. The break up of marriage is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and it is all too common. More than half of all marriages today will end in divorce. When you consider that divorce is commonly regarded as one of the most stressful events that can happen in a person's life, even beyond the death of a dead one, this is a lot of heartache out there in the world.
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. But you've already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them.
Would you consider counseling to help save marriage?
The tragedy is that most of these breakups could have been prevented. You do not have to be a statistic. You can do something about it; you can stop your divorce. I won't say that it is going to be easy, but it is possible. You just have to follow the steps to rebuild what has been broken.
You can't expect to stop your divorce without a plan anymore than you can expect to build a house without blueprints. Fortunately, the help is available and it behooves you to take advantage of it. Your marriage does not have to fail. You can do something.
Step One: Find the Problem
You can't stop your divorce if you don't know why your marriage is falling apart. You need to work with your spouse to diagnose what is wrong with the marriage. This is a little harder than it sounds, because what you think might be the reason for the divorce is just a symptom.
Step Two: Fix the Problem
In many ways, this is the most important step. If you can't fix the problem, then you can't stop your divorce. Some problems can't be fixed, but most can. The reason most marriage ending problems don't get solved is that they are never identified. But you've already done that in step one. What you need to do know is work with your spouse to make the compromises that will save your marriage.
Step Three: Remember the Good Times
You're going to need to remind both your spouse and yourself why you were together to begin with. No matter how bad your marriage has gotten, there was a point when things were good. You should try to get back to that place, but you should always keep in mind that it existed.
Step Four: Start Over
The last step in your quest to stop your divorce is to begin again. You need to look at your marriage as a brand new marriage. While you should keep in mind the good times, you need to forget the bad times and learn about your spouse all over again. Things have changed, and you need to make your marriage work with the person you are married to, not the person you used to be married to or the person you wish they were. Accept them as they are, and work together to build a better, stronger marriage.
If you follow these four steps, you will be able to stop your divorce. If you need more help, then don't be afraid to look for it. There are systems out there to help fix what is broken in your relationship, and you need to be willing to use them.
Would you consider counseling to help save marriage?
Labels:
save your marriage,
stop your divorce
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